FS /osf 



l'^6 



PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 

A FARCE. 



CHARACTERS. 

Dr. Rubber Dam, a Dentist. 
ORrnEus Bkethoven Jovful, <a Musician. 
CiiuisrnpiiEU Crcesds, a Nabob. 

Bois Kinr.EY (l;etter known as Dr. Ridley), a Colored Boy. 
Buskin Socks, an Amateur Tragedian. 
.Lauisv Laxiga:;, an Irish Porter. 
Ti\ Wah, a Chinese Laundry-Man. 
Mrs. Morev, Dr. Dam's Landlady. 
Kate Crcesus, Christopher's Daughter. 
MiLLY MoREY, Mrs. Morey's Daughter. 



, . ! . ■ V hi 
COSTUMES. 



Dr. Dasi. Dark suit, witli velvet breakfast-jneket- 
JovFUL. Foppish dress. Light wig ; light moustache. 
Crcesl's. Dark coat, white vest, light pants, white hat. Gray 

wig. 
Bob. Jacket and trousers ; curly Tvig; blackface. 
Sucks. Dark clothes; rolling collar; coat buttoned at waist; 

black gloves. Black wig; short side-whiskers ; goatee. 
Lakhv. Rough suit. Red cropped wig. 
Tin Waii. Chinaman's suit, with pigtail. 
Mrs. Morey. Dark dress-cap, and spectacles. 
Kate. Handsome walking-dress. 
MiLLY. Neat morning-dres.s. 

189 



190 



PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 



Scene. — Dr. Dam's Operating-room. Dental chair, 
with spittoon, l., near footlights. Folding screen at 
hack and side, n.'ofit. Opposite side, v,^ screen 
turned the other xoay. Door c. l. o/* door, against 
wall, cabinet of instruments. Small table, with 
chair, B. of c. 




UF 



H 



QF 



OS5 



A Dental Chair. 
B Spittoon. 



C Screen. 
D Screen. 



E Table. 
FF Chairs. 



G Centre Door 
H Cabinet. 



Dr. Dam {seated at table, with memorandum-book 
and pencil in Juind). Psliaw ! one might as well stare 
at a blank wall as study tliis engngenient-book. I must 
be patient, for there's no, patient lor me to-day. How 
can I fill my mouth with no mouths to fill? How pull 
through, with no teeth to pUll'? Give it up. I'm called' 
pretty good on conundrums, but here's a stump. Mrs. 
Morey, my landlady, wants money : so do I ; and we 
are both likely to wait, in the present healthy state of 
human grindeis in this locality. Hang it ! why was I 
not born a millionnaire, instead of being obliged to 
live from hand to mouth ? Ah, then 1 should be able 
to boldly face the divinity whom I meet every morning 
in my "constitutional" about t!ic Park. Ah, she is a 
beauty ! she trips along so daintily, and smiles so sweet- 



PADDLE YOXTR OWN CANOE. 191 

ly when I lift niy hat. Who is she ? There is ah air 
of refinement, the speaking air of prosperity in her 
attire, — 

, " Grace in her step, and heaven in her eye." 

Come, come, Rubber, this won't do. Rub her out 
of lyour day-dreams. There is not an aching tooth in 
her liead to fiU^ the aching void in your heart too near 
those tempting lips. {^Knoclc at door.) Come in. 

(Enter Mus. Mo key, c.) 

Mrs. Morey. Dr. Dnm, I want my little bill. 

Dr. Haven't seen him, JMrs. Morey. If you want 
some one to run an errand, I'll lend you Dr. Ridley — 
only he's not in yet. 

Mr^. Morey. It's not my precious William that I 
seek, doctor, and you know it. It's the little bill for 
rent that's troubling me. ifffn oir. 

Dr. Don't let it, Mrs. Morey. Be a: man; bearmis- 
foitjme bravely ; laugh at dull care, and whistle mer- 
rily. 

Mrp. Morey. Which means, whistle for my .money. 
O, doctor,, doctor, whe;!.!,. I let yuu these elegant apart- 
ments foi" six dollars a week, fire and lights included, 
I didn't think you would cheat a lone widow of her 
dues. 

Dr. Don't, Mrs. Morey. Yk)u touch my heart; my 
pocket, too. The first is full of compassion, tlie last of 
— nothing. I mean well ; but,, hang it, the busijiess 
dou't draw. Say nOjUjore ; you shall have your money. 
{^Takes out watch.y This is worth something; I'll go 
and j)awn it at once. 



192 PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOlJ. 

Mrs. 3Ioreij. No, indeed, you shnll not. I will 
wait a few days. 

Dr. {aside). That's a precious watclt. It always 
brings her to time. {Aloud) Yes, but I insist on pay- 
ing you at once. 

3Irs. More}/. No, no ; it was your father's watqh. 

Dr. It shall become my uncle's ; we'll thus keep it 
in the f iniily, 

3frs. Morey. No, no. I want the money to pay 
Milly's music-master ; he can wait. Poor child, how 
pale and sad she grows. 

Dr. Music doesn't agree with her. 

Milhj {singing outside).- " I'd offer thee this hand of 
mine, if I could love thee less." 

Mrs. M. She's always singing that, poor child ! Over 
the kitchen range, in the xink aniong the <lishes, that 
sad, sweet song mingles with her domestic duties. 

Dr. Yes ; her voice has a wide range ; it rolls and 
swells with the rattle of her dishes, — a soprano, I 
should judge. 

'Mrs. M. Ah, I shall never rear her; she's destined 
for an early grave. Love, doctor, love is devastating 
her youthful hopes. 

Dr. O, it's not so bad as that. Who is the object 
of her affections ? 

Mrs. M. 'Tis he Who has cultivated her voice to 
seraphic song. ' ' ". ' 

Dr. O, the music-rriastef? 

Mrs. M. Yes, the music-master. lie comes : she 
sighs and sings. He goes : she weeps, yet sings as 
sweetly as a dying swan. O, doctor, never mind the 



PADDLE YOmi OWN CANOE. 193 

bill; come in and see Milly; perhaps your presence 
moy cheer her ; perhaps divert her attention from this 
tuneiul charmer with the falsetto voice. 

Dr. No, Mrs. Morey, I couldn't charm away the 
falsetto voice. If she was in Iqvq wi^h a false set of 
teeth, I might, be able to console her. , 

3Irs. M. O, doctor, doctor, this is no jesting matter! 
But don't trouble yourself about the bill ; don't pawn 
your watch. I know you are poor, but I think you are 
yar>,,^ipnest man.. (Crcesus, open& door.) If you can- 
not pay the rent, I can wait. (I^un^ agaip,st Ceo&sus, 
whjo enter$;) . . Good gracious! \_Exit c. 

, r C'rms%tf^ Take care ; take care, woman ! ( Comes 
down.) Confound her! she's nearly knocked the breath 
-out of my body ! So, sir, yo^ can't pay your rent? 

JDr. Sir! What's that to you?>] y,., ,j., 
^, , Crmsxta. Hallo ! Hallo, young man! ; Do you know 
_)vho I f^m ? ■ 

Dr. No ; and, what's more, I don't care. 
Croesus. I'm Clnistopher Croesus ! Ha! you start! 
^.y^^..Dr, Not a peg. , 

CVo^sMS., . Rich, sir; enormously wealthy; million- 
.n;iir,e, amt j\l,l that sort of thing — but not proqd ; no, 
jiQ— Tiiipt proud. .M^ule it ,myself. Came to .town 
a boy, barefooted ; slick with a small bundle —^ very 
small bundle — over my shoulder. Poor but honest 
parents -+- and all that sort of thing. 

Dr. . :That sort of thing's played out. I came the 
saine way, -;-• ininus the bundle. 
, . 6VcB6'tf|S. ft It; wasn't Jong before I had my carriage! 
' Dr,. A Uuijd-cait ? \ : 

13 



1^ FADDLE TOUR OWN CANOE. 

Crcesus. Kfght ; it Avas, I pedctlecl fish, flcviserl a 
-^■wny to jiivserve them, made money, speculated, nVid 
lierc I am independent, sir, — iiidependent! and all be- 
cause I pAddled my own canoe! 
Dr. Well, wliat of it ? 

Crcesus. What of it? It enabled' me to extend a 
•helifmg liand to the unfortunate. You can't pay your 
rent. ( Takes out wallet.) I'll pay it for you. Come, 
how much i* it?'"'^ t'«'"-M ;>'■■ i'\". ^';"i" \ -'^ ''•' 

Dr. Mbre'than'''yblV"6aft ]:)liy; beca'tis^i tit'e yoii, I 
pui'i^ose to paddle my own canoe. 

•"■ Crcesus. That's right. I like your spunk. Now 
■ td'business. You're a dentist ; pull teeth, and all that 
Sort of thing? 

^; Exactly ; that ii my business. Take a scat 
there, and let me look into your mouth. 
'^^"■G^«a^sfii^.^ Noi 'L th.-irtk .you. ' 'No cold iron forme. 
My daughter, sir, Miss Kate Crcesus, wants a tooth ex- 
tracted. She'll be here in half an hour. 
• ^'Dr. Delighted to m'ect hbf;^* •"''^ ''• 

Croesus. No doubt of it; but rnifid, no nonsense, 

yoUng man. If she hapjiens to have a pr6tty mouth, — 

r'hnd-shd has, — don't make too long a job of it, and don't 

fall in'love Avith her. I w6n't have it— and I'm Chris- 

tojyliTH- Croesus, I am. Do your duty like a man, and 

_ reme^mb'^V, no nonsense.' ' '\_JExit c. 

Dr. Well, the old gentleman seems anxtous about 

'hlis daughter. Rich, is he? He 's worth knowing; 

but I do hope the daughter is a little more agreeable.' 

• JJ(}'gful'{6iitsitl€, si?i(/s). " O, where art thoii now, my 

beloved ? " (inters.) O, here you ire, Rubber, the man 



PADDLE YOUR OWN CAN.QE, 195 

Fve been looking for. Rubber, give me joy ; fortune 
is about to smile upon me. I have seen the future 
mistress of ray home — the wife of my hosom. {Sings.) 

" She wore a wreath of roses, 
- , , , .,,,, The day when first we met." 

I>¥. libld on, Joyful. .Who is the lady with the 

J., • .' X-.v. r. ;;u.;— ..-;.- rX>r ::-:. 

wreath ot roses.'' , ^ .. ; ^ .,_. .. > ,., 

Joyful. The fairest or the fair. Now, who do you 
think? You canriot gue$s. It^'s the daughter of Chris- 
topher CrcEsus. " "" ' Vr 'V ... r ' ■ 

Dr. Croesus?' Why, he s just been here ! 

Joyful. I know it ; I sent him. Miss Kate is my 
pupil ; a charming girl. Rubber. Last night she spent 
a sleepless nighf with the toothache; this morning, 
visiting lier' for the purpose of giving her a lessoi\ in 
music, and finding her stilt suffering, I suggested a visit 
to you. Old gentleman started off at qnce,-aiid she 's 
to follow. ' , -• ■ ' 

Dr. In half an hour? Joyful, I'm much obliged 
to you for speaking a good word, for me. 

Joyful. Are you ? I'm glad of th/it; one good turn 
deserves another'; and you can do n^e a great favor. 
Listen. One t^an't bend over a bewitching girl while 
her taper fingers are fingering the keys of a piano with- 
out fi-'cling a tender interest in her — at least I can't. 
Rubber, I have come to love that girl to distraction. 

Dr. And she returns your love ? 

Joyful. Well, I think so. She's sighed a great deal 
of late ;it may have been the toothache, but I think 
she has a tender regard for me. 



1^ PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE^ 

T)r. " Why, tier father 's a nabob ! 

Joiifid. Ail the better, Rubber. 

Pt. Yes; but ricb men don't throw away their 
daughters. ^"i to rtroTW 

Joyful. Throw away ! Hubber, you forget who I 
am. Orpheus Beethoven Joyful, Professor of Music! 

Dr. Yes, I know, — and a good fellow ;' but music, 
and money are generally , found on. different . scales. 
Well, what can I do for you? ••' 

Joyful. You can find out forme if she loves me. 

Dr. You'd better find that out yourself 

Joyful. No, there's too much at stake. Suppose I 
should confess my passion -r- be rejected. I lose my 
situation as music-master: don't you see? 

Dr. I see that, but don't see how I can help yon. 

Joyful. The easiest thing in the world. You ex- 
tract teeth. How? 

Dr. With forceps. 

Joyful., Yes; but you sometimes employ a subtle 
agent to trnnquillizc the victim. Gas. Under its influ- 
ence, the victim has been known to confess secrets ; 
don't 'you see?' You induce Miss Kate to. inhale it; 
ghe speaks, and you tell me what she says. If she 
loves me shoMl he sure to speak, and I shall know my 
fate without the fear of making a mistake. 

Dr. A vpry ingenious plot, Joyful. 

Joyful. '''And you'll make use of it? 

Dr. Yes; it can do no harm. But I must be off. 
Wher'e^ dan that Wy of mine be? I've not had my 
lil-eakfifst, and only half an hour before ISijliss Kate 
makes her appearance 1 



PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 197 

toilful. Well, run and get it. I'll keep shop until 
you return. 

Dr. Ail right. (Goes behmd screen r. ; changes 
coat.) 

"" Joi/fut: I shnll l<nn\v my fiite. I nm sure she loves 
me. {JTnter Du. from screen.) Make yourself easy, 
Rubber; I'm in lio hurry. 

. Dr. I'll not be gone long, and the boy will soon 
relieve you. [_Exit c. 

Jojiful. Don't hurry yourself. What an ensy life 
Rubber has hei'e, pulling teeth. Why, a boy could do 
that, {Goes to case and opens draicers.) Here's his 
forceps. I'<1 like to try my hand. (Bob Ridley sticks 
his liead in at door c.) 

Dob. Say, Mistier O. B. Joyful, whar — whar de boss? 

Joyful. Hallo, Dr. Ridley ! you're late this morn- 

i"g- 

Bob. Dai's a fac, Massa O. B. ( Comes doicn.) '^pec 
de (loctor jes pnll his har vi^id wexation. 

Joyful. He'll be more likely to pull yours, if he can 
got a hold on it. 

Bob {mbbiiig his head). Yah, yah, yah! Guess 
not ; dar ain't no chance for a grab dar. It ain't de 
hand-some kind. Yah, yah! Say, Massa O. B., whar — 
whar your fiddle? 

Joyful. At home, Doctor; broke a string at the 
concert hist night. 

Dob. Inleed did you? I wus to de consart las 
night ; dat's de reason I'se late dis yer raornin'. 

Joyful. A\\\ What concert, Doctor? 

Dob, Thomases in de back yard ! Yah, yah, yah I 



198 PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 

Jes kep jna awake de whole night long wid dcr 



music 



Joyful. Threw their whole soul into it, hey? 

Boh. Yas indeed, till I frowed my ole boots ; den 
dar war a pair of soles into it — not whole ones 
nudder. • 

Joyful. I suppose you nnderstand the business of 
dentistry pretty well — don't yon, Doctor ? 

Boh.\ Yas indeed; all de fundaments ov it. 

Joyful. Ah ! And what are t!>e fnnd!nn,ents, i)octor ? 

Boh. Svveepin' de floors, and makin'cle fires. 

Joyful. E^'er drawn any ? . . : \ 

Boh. How? Yas, yas; drawn ray wages ebery 
Saturday night. 

.Jfoyful. . I mean; pulled anything? 

Boh. Pull off de doctor's boots. 

Joyful. Where does he keep his gas ? 

Boh. In de observ.atoiy dar. 

Joyful. O, the laboratory, you mean. Do you know 
howto prepare it ?. , . 

Boh. Guess I does ! Does you want a dose ? 
{KtiacJc a,t the door.) Hallo, dar's a patient ! Whar's 
de doc' ? 

Joyful. Gone to breakfast. 

Boh. Den I'll jist send de jiatient off. 

Joyful. No, .no ; let the patient in ; perhaps I can 
accommodate him. 

Boh. you? By golly! Well, I'll show him in. 
( Opens door.) 



PADDLE XOUB OWN CANOE. 19^ 

{Enter Socks, traglcalhjy liolding his face!) 

Socks. " I do reniembcr an apothecary, and some- 
where about here he did dwell." 

!Bob. Yas, yas ; right down stairs, fust door to de 
left. 

jSocks, "Ye secret, dark, and midnight hags, what 
is'tyedo?" {Hand to face.) O! 

J3ob. How — wh-wli-wlio 's a hag? Dis am a inci- 
dental destitute. Pull all de teeth out ob yer head 
widout pain. 

Socks. " I have an aching tooth." O ! 

Joyful Take a seat, sir, and we'll soOn haul it out. 

Socks. Thaiik you. Be very careful, sir, and take 
the right one. My teeth are jnecions pearls on wliich 
the footlights gleam. In Macbeth — you've seen my 
Macbeth ? 

Joyful. Never met him, sir. Is he in the medical 
profession ? 

' Socks. Pshaw ! I'm an amateixr actor, sir; a trage- 
dian. Macbeth is my masterpiece. I play it with my 
teeth thus. {Shows teeth set.) 

"Lay on, Macduff, 
And damned be he who first cries hold ! enough ! '* 

Joyful. That is called tearing a passion to tatters, I 
suppose. 

Socks. Yon see, if you should accidentally remove 
one of those shining lights, you rob me of my props 
" whereby I live." O ! Be very careful, sir. {Sits in 
dental chair.) .. 



200 . PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 

Joyful {JooJcing in mouth). I sec it. Can, yon en- 
cliirc the ])fun ? 

.-jS<>chs. ''I cnn do nil that may become a man; who 
can do more is none." ' .0 ! 

liob (cisiile). , Y;;!s, you wail, till <le iron gits a good 
hold ; den won't ho holler? Y.ih, y:ih ! 
' ^'0,'//'^^^' I iW<i have an innocent preparation for dead- 
ening [lain ; hadn't yon better try it? 
.,tSoc/cs. "Throw physic to I , the dogs. I'll none 

of it." t ., ,(i! iH.*J 

Joyful. Very well, sir. (Goes to case, and takes 
instrument.) {Asiih) Now fof my first experiment. 
(Comes ( I ownwith forceps.) 

Spcks. Hold on ; Fll try the painkiller. 

Joyful.: , All right. Bob, brinor the gas. 

J3oh. Yas indeed, {Aside) We'll see de fun now, 
snie yon born ! {Goe^ heliiitd screen.) 

/Socks. Yon .-Jrc a regitlar jnactitioneTfysir ? 

Joyftd. Certainly. (Aside) On llie violin. 

iSocks.- " I want no quack ! Out on you impostors ! 
V:';! Qnack salving, cheating mountebanks; your fckill 
Is to make sound men sick -^ and sick men kill." 

(Enter Bob/t©)^' screen, witJi bag of gas.) 

H oh (aside). Yas; Well, I guess you'll be a pretty 
sick man afore your troubles arc ober. 

Joyful (takes bag). Now, sir, if you will inhale this 
quietly, you will sirdc into a deep and blissful sleep. 
(Gines bag to Hocks:) 

fSocks. >.'Give me. the cup; I'll drain it eie I die." 

£ob. Will you, honey ? Well, I'll jes see de fun. 



PADDLE YOUK O^N CANOE. 201 

(Goes l)ehind Screen k., and standby g on a chdir^ peeps 
over top. Socks inhales gas from bar/.) 
• Joyful. '. He tiikt'S to it benutifully. I wish Rubber 
couKl witness tliis little operatioiHso easily /jwfbrHied 
by an amateur ; he'd not brag quite so nuich of his 
profession. Hallo, liallo ! 

.^■jSocks [starts up, and excitedly throws doini hag, 
hrekthiny' heavily, eyes rolling, teeth set). Ha, ha, ha! 
(Steps off'' to c. of stage. Joyful runs behind screen l., 
creeps round and gets up into chair, looking over screen 
as SacKS continues spouting tragically). 
I'm free ! I'm free ! Base tyrants, tremble ! 
This rock shall fly from its firnl base as soon as I. 
Here I devote your senate. I, Macbeth, 
Spit on your graves. Up, Freeriien, uj) ! 
There's a lii^ht in the window for thee. 
Here I stiind and scoff you ! 
Go show your slaves liow choleric 'you are, and make 

■■ :■ your bondmen tremble'!"--''.»J'.' ; 
BloWj wind ! Come, wrack ! (•-■•'mt!'^'!' 
At least we'll die with harness on our back. 
Hang out your banners ! Rin-g the battle-cry ! 
Vengeance and Libeity !. ( Throios doicn chair.) 
Root, hog; or die! \_Exit c, Stamping.'] (Bob a7id 
JoYFur- look across at each other over screen ) 

Joyful. Bob, he's gone without the operation ! 

I^ob. Yas indeed. He didn't gas wuff a cent! 
(Comes from behind screen.) 

Joyful {gets out of chair). Well, he's out, if his 
tooth isn't. Ah ! I should have extracted that molar 
beautifully, and shown Rubber how little knowledge is 
required in dentistry^ ^ 



202 PADDLE YOUR 0W1N CANOE. 

Boh (pic/v's iqy rubber bag). Dos a fafe. {Knockat 
door.) Dar's auudder. 

Joyful. Show him in ; perhaps I shall have better 
luck this time, (^oji opens door.) 

{Enter Laery.) 

Larry _ {with a handkerchief tied over his face). Och, 
mmther. ! It's kilt I am intirely wid the ^tat>thache I 
Is this a dedical doothor's, I dnnno ? 

Joyful. This is a dentist's office. 

Larry. A dintist? Vhat's that? Shm-e I wants 
'a tootli-puller. 

Joyful. ' Tliat is our business. What's the troitble? 

Jjarry. Throuble, is it? Begorra, the throuble was 
last night at Biddy: Fiynn's w:iko, and all along of Pat 
Mnloncy ! Shnre w-e weve aH jolly, whin Pat Maloney 
let fly a i)etaty, which same struck me full in the mouth, 
— the ujiserable spalpeen! Begorra, it was a inshult 
to the mournful occasion ; an' — an' — my blood was 
up. So I just shtripped off me coat, and wid me fislit 
laid Misther Maloney sinseless on his back, crying 
murther ! It was an illegant shpread he made ! but he 
wns soon up and kim at inc.' Thin — we all became 
Sociable, We put in the licks, and jnit out the lights ; 
the girls shcramed and the min fought, till poor Biddy- 
Fiynh, the corpse — who said niver a word — was 
complately buried under a pile of broken chairs and 
crockery ! 

Bob. Golly! regular jamboree ! 

Joyful. Well, how did it conclude ? 
:.. Xfftrry. Conclude, is it? Begorra, I dunno. But it 



PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. ^0^ 

was an illegant fight, nnflmyjaws ache -wh] tjie rattling 
I got; nu' one av my teeth is broken off iiitirely ; an' 
IM tliaiik you to be afillier ridding me av the remain- 
der, fof it's riot a wink av slajDC I've had the night WiJ 
the aches in it. 

Joiiful. ' Take a seat, and let me look at it. 

Larry. ■ To be sluirc I will. (Sits in chair.) Mayh^ 
yez might slitick it together wid a little j)Iasth('r. ' 

Joyful {looks at tooth). No; it's a bad fractltre ; 
extraction is the only ihing th:it will relieve you. 

Larry. Extraction, is it ? Shnre you'(l better pnll 
it Mit, for it's distraction I'm sufferin' wid thejnmpin' 
of'the craylhur. 

Joyful. Very well ; out it shall come. Will you 
inhale gas? .s«"^j\ i.- 

Larry. Inhale ? fat's that? 

Joyful.^ We give gas sometimes, to prevent the 
j^atient experiencing pain in the operation. 

Larry. Gas — is that \Vhat you're giving me ? Och, 
bother! gas less, and pull more. 

Joyful. It will be much easier for you, if you alloxi' 
■me to give you something soothing. 

Larry. ThatVall right. Gi^fe me a little whiskey, 
thin. '■ ' '• -' 

Joyful. You don't understand; I'll show you. Bob,' 
bring the gas. ' yi; J (it I '. ^n< ■■'•.:■ 

Bob. Yas, sir; in de'iSag? Fotch '\t right away. 
(Goes behind screen. J oyfvl yets forceps.) '• 

Larry. Och, murther! the craythur is just laping 
wid delight to come out av my mouth. S'hure Pat 
Maloney shall pay the bill. : • 



20i PADDLE YOUR OWN.CANGB. 

{Enter Bob with hog. Joyful comes ctotcn.) 

^ ,;JBob. There yon is, Misscr Joyful. 

■ : Joyful {takes hag). N<?w my man, put this to your 

moutli, and take a good pull. 

Larry {takes hag). Wliiskey in a bag! Here's 
illegnnce. {Inhales.) Sliure that's no sperit ; it's swat- 
ened wind! No raattljer; it's a moighty foine taste. 
j^J^ihales.) I 

Joyful. He takes to it readily — a fine subject. I 
jtliink. this will prove more succossfiil than the last. 
{Jjauut breathes sv^iftly and, loudly. ) Ah! it's taking 
effect. He will soon be ni>conscions. {lj\Rn\ Jumps 
tajii^:f($ft, and t/irqics down bpg^ Sit do^wn, my dear 
fellow. {Attempts to seat him. Larry swi?}gs round 
his arm and vpsets him on stage.) 
,y', Larry. Whooh.! Whouh ! {Steps dqwn from, chair^ 
and strides up and dotcn stage, sjm'nging his arms.) 
< lioh. By golly ! he 's got de jiinjams ! {Runs behind 
screen right., and appears over top as h-if ore. Joyful 
creeps round and g^ts i}}to chair as before.\ 

Larry. Whooh ! Whooh ! I'm the boy from Tippe^ 
rary }; who'll thread oi^the tail avmeco!)t? I'm jist 
si)iling for a fight. Pat Maloney, yon thaif av ih^ 
* wnr-rcld, will yon thread on the ta,il> yiv me cqat? 
Whooh! whooh! I'm Larry Lannignn. Come on — 
coipe on! (^Fights f he air toith his fist.) All at a lime, 
or one togiether.. Th€\re, take that, you ihaif; and that, 
y^u spalpeen! {Fights and kicks.) I'm the game 
.chicken of Tippei;(^ry. .( Throws dfi^n, chair.) Whooh ! 
whooh! I adr YjRa \_JSxit,c. 



PADDT.E YOITR OWN CAKOBi 205 

s2?o5. .Tipper -who ? Tipper who? Yas; tip^ober 
de x'hnirs -^ wid yt'r foolin'. 

Joyful. Another failurie, Bob. 

J3oh. Yas ; well, I sj^uess de <xas don't conflnmmerate 
wid dat ar feller. {Comes from behind screen^ and 
picks vp bag. J. 

Joyful. Well, I sliall have to give it up. But I did 
want to extract a mf)lar.. • 

JSob. Did ye ? I fbus;ht ye. wanted to pull a toof. 
(Juiock iit door.) An' dnr's anudder, sure 's you born. 
Gtiess we'll R't liini go. 

JoyfiiT. No, let him in; I'm determined to pull 
sometliing. (Bon yoes to door ; optens it. Tin Waii 
appears witJi bundle.) ' 

Bob. Wliy, no ; j'ses itam ; dat's Washee Washce. 
Tin WaI),vvli;nSyou been ? 

Tin Wf/i {f/rinninr/). Heap busy — washee Melican 
man — heap cheatee — all same — dirty -^ bah'l 

Hob. Golly! Tin Wah,. hole your hush. De 'doc 
taw am no dirty. Wh-wh-wh-what you mean ? ^ib 
mc de bundle. .[I . 

Tin Wuh. No; brackee takee mussee muchee. 
i^Laijs imiHile oji table.) 

Hob. Yas indeedy, brackee mashee your molasses- 
colored profile, Tin Wah. Away, Chinaman, dis am 
no place for de headen. {PusJmiy him towards daor.) 

Joyful. Hold on, Bob. I want to talk to him. 
{Aside^l wonder how the gns will affect him. (Aloud) 
Mr. Chinaman, do you like opium ? 

Tin Wah. Bely muchee; Chinaman smokee. Mel- 
ican man smokee baccy ; makee Melican man liappy ; 
Chinaman sickce. Bah ! no likee dat. 



208 PADDLE YOUR OWN -XJAirOB, 

■.^.Jo'fffid. Well, Tin Wnb, I'll treat yon. WeVe got 
the aiticle you like, but not to smoke. I'll-shdw you 
how the Melicrin man takes it. ' • ■-. 

■ i'THn Wah, Melican man bely kind. Chinaman takce 
anfl t|jankee bely ranch heap. ; 1 

Joyful. Well, take a seat. {Leads him to chair.) 
Bob, brittg the bag. 

JBob. What's dnt yon say?. 

Joyful. Biing the i(fl8. :^ 
.' TinWah (jumping vp).' Gas! Not muchee ; burn 
Chinaman. No like sniellee. 

Joyful {pushing him' back). It's all right, Tin. This 
is another kind^ — another name for your favorite. 

JBob. Golly ! he jes set Tin W:di crazy wtd his non- 
sense. . No matter ; I'll see de fun. 

\_Exit behind screen. 
r. Tin.' No cheatee ? , >, 

Joyful. No^ indeed. You'll like it. (Bon 7'ettirns.) 

JBob. Dar's a good dope. 

Joyful... Well, yon give it to him, Boh. {Goes foi..) 

JBob. Sjjeck I will. Here, Tin Wab, take hold, and 
Jiole yer nose ; hole yer nose. 

Tin {takes bag). Bely light ; no mnehee flare. 
■Bob... Put yer mouf to de nozzle dar. ( Takes hold 
of Tix Wah's nose.) Now. gib a whiff — gib a whiff. 
(Tin inhales.) 

Tin (pulling it away). Bely good. Ki yi ! 

Bob. Whiff away — whiff away ; you don't git de 
flavor yet. (Tix inhales with much seemina gratifica- 
tion., throwing out Ids arms and kicking.) Dat's it — 
dat'^ it ; i he 's getting jiatui'al jzed 1 
■ -.'n ooikioa r. ' 



PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOC 20? 

Tin {snatches, atc^y-hagi^ holding it bi/'noztle). Ki'yi! 
Yah, Melican mnn iniichee line — mueliee jolly. Ki 
yi ! {Strikes BoiJ on head with hag.. Bon falls on 
stage ; Tin" Waii dances about, swinging hag^ Melican 
man fool! Blackee all the. sam'e so. KL yi! (Bob 
attempts to get up. Tin strikes him oii head ; he falls 
again.y 

Hob. Das a f;ic. Lef me up ; lof me up. 

.Tin {(Umding -about stage). Tin "Wah clrnnkee — 
heap jolly.. No wasHee — washee! Hi yali.!' Bnstee, 
Bobee, bustee brackee head ! ( Chasesl^oxi about stage 
icith bag, striking him.) 

Hob. Quit, yon fool! Quit, you f )ol ! 

Tin. Ki yi ! Chin nnan Empekn' now ! No washee, 
:iw> slave — Ki yi ! ki yi ! [Flings bag at Bob, and 
runs out c.) . • 

Joyful. Well, that experiment broke down. 
: Bob. Yas ; and de roof ob any head 's broke down 
clear to smash. Misser Joyful, you may be a good 
phusiean, but if you attempt any more dentistery, just 
luff mo out ob de peppergram. 

Joyful. Well, Bob, I'm sorry for you ; but I meant 
well. 

Bob. Yas indeed, it wias 'too much mean, das a fac. 

{Enter Dr. Dam, c.) 

Br. Well, Joyful, here I am. {Goes behind screen^ 
and changes coat for velvet jacket.) 

Joyful {to Bon). Not a word about visitor?!, Bob. 

Bob. No; dey didn't leave no word; dey left dem- 
selves. , {Goes to case, takes a piece of wash-leather^ 
and rubs instruments. Dr. appears.) 



208 PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 

Dr. Nothing stirring, I suppose, since I've been 
gone ? 

• Joyful. No, nothing worth mentioning. '< 
' l^ob (aside). Dat ar Chinaman stirred nic ; dat's 
*wuff mention, I speck. (Knock at door.) 
' Dr. Ah ! that must be my new patient. 

Joyful. If it is, remember your promise. Rubber. 
I'll step aside. ( GoeB behind screen., \^.) 
■Boh (aside). Yas ; he wants to see ffe fun now. 

Dr. Why don't you go to the door, Doctor? 

Dob. Yas indeed, I 's going' ( Ojyens door.) 

(Enter Kate.) 

. Kate. Is the doctor in ? 

Dr. .(aside). My divinity, by all that's glorious! 
(Aloud) He is, Miss Croosus. Take a seat. 

Kate. You — Dr. Dam ? Well, I am surprivSedjbut 
rery glad indeed, for I believe we have a slight ac- 
quaintance. (BoD returns to his rcork.) 

Dob (aside). Pretty as a, sunflower! 

Dr. O, yes, we've often met. Your father called 
this morning. If you will take a seat, I will look at 
the tooth. 

Kate (sits, in dentist's chair). Don't hurt mo, please. 

Dr. No more than is necessary. (Examines tooth.) 

Dob (aside). Dat's what I call hovering ober an 
abyss ob bliss. (Sinys.) 

" Monkey married de baboon's sister, 
Smacked his lips, and den he kissed her." 

Dr. Doctor ! 
■Dob. Ax your pardon. I wa — wa — tvas dreaming. 



PADDLE YOUn OWN CANOE. 209 

Dr. That too ih must come out. 

Kate. Odear! Can yoA l&,ke it out without pain- 
ing me ? ■ 

Dr. Ceftaiiily, if you will consent to inhale the gas. 

luxte. But I don't like to do that. Is there no other 
way? -A .-.^T ..:. 

'< Dr, Not without pain. You have nothing to fear. 
If you will step down, I will give you a proof. — Doc- 
tor, aSic Miss Milly to step here a moment. (Kate 
steps from chair, and sits by table.) 

Dob. Yas, snr; d' recti y, sar. \_Exit c. 

Dr. A young friend of mine, the daughter of my 
landtiidy, often inhales it for amusement. She will no 
doubt consent to show you .how harmless are its effects. 

Kate. You must have a great deal of practice, doc- 
tor: suct» to, pretty office! ,V.):bi.v. 

Dr. Well, as to practice, I am a new-comer here, 
and not ke[)t as busy as I would like to be. At pres- 
ent I live on hope. 

1 Kate. Nourishing food to one who has an object 
for ambition to si'cure ! 

Dr. Well, I have an object, for above me, that I 
sigh to gain. 

- Kate. Be bold, and it is yours. To a young man 
who has talents, good principles, and courage, no piize 
the Avorld can offer is above bis reach. 

Dr. E\en if be be ])()or in purse — 

Kate. Poverty is nolbiug: it may be yours to-day 
and mine to-morrow. For my part, bad I suitors, I 
should -i-egard the poorest with the most satisfaction, 
w+th ab eye to what the future might have in store for 
him. 14 



210 PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 

Joyful Uoho is behind screen^ looJdng down tipon them., 
aside). GoQcl! ■ Tliat means me. Sho's mine! she's 
mine ! 

{Enter Bob, c, followed by Milly.) 

JBob. Here she am, doctor!') ' 

Milly. Do you want me. Dr. Dam ? 

Dr. If yoiii can spare time, I should like you to 
show tins' young lady, —Miss Morey, Miss Crossus! 
{ladies acknovdedge)., — whoisa little timid, how harm- 
less is the gas we give. v 

Milly. Certainly. You know I like it. {Sits in 
chair. Dr. goes behind screen, l.) There's not the 
least danger. Miss CrcBsus. It makes me very, very 
happy, and vvithoiit it I am .missrable. 

Dob {aside). Yas, she'd take fbrty-leben gallons 
afore breakfas', an', like de little childen, cry f >r more. 

{Enter Dr., with bag.) 

Dr. Now, Milly. {Giving bag.) 
' Milly. I'm sure I shall talk nonsense ; you know I 
always do. {Inhales gas. Dr. holds bag.) 
' Dr. No matter; you are doing a kindness, Milly. 
Jfilly {inhales, then drops bag, clasps her hands). O, 
how happy —happy I am! O, now I see you — Or- 
pheus — Beethoven — Joyful ! Musical name ! You 
smile upon me ! You love me ! Tell me again, and 
again, and again, you love me, as I have loved you — 
ever, and ever, and ever so long. 
, ifoyful {Uside). Hullo! I've made a conquest there!. 
Milly. We walk together — we clasp hands — your 
arm glides about my waist. Your lips — your lips — 



PADDLE YOUR OWJT CANOE. 211 

your -i— lips — (stops, sighs, and then looks round). 
Well, that's over. Did I talk nonsense ? 

Dr. No, indeed. Had I been the object of your 
thoughts, I should have been glad I overheard such a 
confession. (Aside) I wonder how Joyful will take 
that. (Goes behind screen with hag, Milly steps 
fxom chair.) 

Kate. You mentioned in your dreams a name with 
which i am familiar — Mr. Joyful. 

Milly. Do you know him? Isn't he splendid ! 

Kate. O, well — so-so. He's my music-master. 

Milly. And mine {sighs). And I think he's just 
splendid ! And so I spoke his name ? Well, I couldn't 
say too much in his praise — no moi-e than I would say 
to his face — if he ever gives me a chance. But that's 
not likely (sighs). Good morning, Miss Croesus. 

IMcit c. 

Kate. Good morning. — Splendid, indeed! He's 
not to be compai-ed to this neighbor of hers. (Enter 
Dr. fro7n screeti, with bag.) O dear ! it's my turn 
now. 

Dr. Now, Miss Croesus, if you will take the chair 
once nioi'e, we will release the offending member from 
his allegiance. (Kate s;its in chair.) You see, it is 
harmless., (Takes forceps from drawer, and comes 
down to chair.) 

Kate. Which? (Pointing to' forceps.) 

Dr. Both — one Avilh the help of the other. Now, 
if you please.. (Gives bag. She inhales.) 

£ob. Golly! dat's fus-rate. De next thing she 
knows she won't know iiuffin. 



212 PADDLE YOUK OWN CANOE. 

■ J^oyfid (^sticking his head over screen). Now is the 
auspicious moment of my life. I tremble while I hope. 
(Dk. takes aicay bag.) 

Kate. Hush — hush ! . How quiet — what beautiful 
trees — how bright the sun shines here ! Ah, there he 
is — the stranger — I love to meet. He lifts his hat 
— what a pleasant smile — a noble fnce. Why do 
you pass on ? -^ Because I am rich ? — Never fear. — 
Hearts arc not weighed like money-bags. Do n^t fear 
me. I long to know you — for I love you — yes, love 
you. {Seizes the doctor's hand.) Why don't you speak 
to me ? 

Joyful (aside). Confound it ! she's got the wrong 
man. {Aloxtd) Rubber! Rubber! 

Bob. Luf her be. She don't need no rubbin' : she 
ain't rheumatic. 

Dr. I do not dare. I am a poor man. {Enter 
Crcesus, c.) Your father would not listen to me were 
I to ask an introduction. 

Kate. Do not feaV — I love ,you — I love you ! 

Dr. {aside). I did not dream of this.. {Aloud). 
Forget \itQ. Your father has trusted me, and I will not 
betray his confidence. 

Kate. Fathers have fli«ty hearts — hearts — hearts. 
{Sits still a moment, then rubs her eyes.) Well, is it 
out ? 

Dr. Pardon me. I was so interested in your speech 
I forgot my business. I will procure more gas. 

Croesus {coming doicn). No you won't, sir. There's 
been too much gas wasted here already. How dare 
you, sir — how dare you put my daughter in such a 



PADDIiE TOim OWN CANOE, i ^ 213 

degrading position ? How dare you tell her you love 
her? • 

Kate. Indeed!: What have Zdone? 

Joyful (aside). Upset my appl(;-cait. No matter, 
I know wliere I'm wanted. ( Gets dotcn, and. goes 
outc). 

Dr. Your pardon, Mr. Croesus. What youv daugh- 
ter has said, under the influence of my special agent, 
would! never hdve: been known. You alone are to 
blame for divulging the secrets of my dental apart- 
ment. 

Croesus. And do you mean to say that you would 
not take advantnge of lier confession to try to win her? 

Dr. As I am a gentleman, no, sir. When your 
daughter leaves this place, we are strangers as belbre. 

Croesus. No, sir ; you are no longer strangers. — 
Kate, this gentlemnii — Dr. Dam — I present to you 
as a suitor for your hand. He has my full permission 
to Avin you if he can; and if he's the dentist he's 
Cracked up to be, there'll be a Rubber Dam over your 
mouth before you're a day older. Now don't talk. 
Have that tooth out at once. 

Kate. Not to day^ father. I'll come another day. 

Croesus. I'll be bound you will. 

{Enter Joyful with Milly on his arm.) 

tToyful. Give me joy. Rubber. I've found the future 
partner of my joys. 

Dr. How's this. Joyful ? I thought — 
-Joyful. No matter what you thought. Rubber. It's 
all right. I'm satisfied, aud you ought to be. 



214: . PADBTLE YOTJR CWK CANOE, r 

' CroRsus. Why, that's Joyftd, your music-master, 
Kate. 

I]ob. Dat's him -ir Oi B. Joyful J plays i on to de 
fiddle — . - • ' .i^:Y.-^^)\. 

Dr. Doctor!- '■ y ^ 

JBoh. Dat's me — Doctor Ridley. (^Sings') "O, old 
Ridley, O ! " Must sing on dis joyful occasion. 

Larry. \ . « ■ r Be jabers, where is he ? 

^*''^- y *' \j.' -< Melioan doctor! Hi-yah! 
r, T ( together. . j „ , . , ^ „ -^ 

bocks. ) \ Set huu before my face. 

{All enter together .') 

Dr. Hullo! What's the matter? 

Larry. Me tooth, be jabers ! { 

//T. , TIT T I, ' J * ) (All start towards 

1 171. Melican man heap cheatee- -/ ^ 

Socks. " I am undone, undone! " ( '^ 

Dob, R. Be gorry, dar's gwine to be trouble ! 

Dr. {stepping before Joyful). Stop this,' and ex- 
plain. . ; : ; : 
''Joyful. Perhaps I'd betteri' Rubber. These are. 
patients of yours, whom in your absehce/I attempted to 
operate upon. — Gentlemen, it's all a mistake. The 
real doctor has arrived, and will attend to your aches. 

Socks. Dastard, you sent me flying through the 
streets like a madman. Me, the star of the amateur 
firmament, Went shooting down stairs. 

Bob. Ob course, iob course. You was a shooting- 
star, dat's all. ' :, 

Larry. And me, be jabers, onto, the fi^ht of a 
butcher, who broke me other jaw wid his tisht. Be- 
gorra, I'll have ssttisfaetion, so I will. ' : , 



PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. 215 

JBoh. Dat's so. Somebody tread on de tail ob his 
(Joat. 

Tin. Bah ! Chinaman smashee windee ; fall in the 
mud ; muddy all ober he. Bah ! 

J3ob. By golly ! den Tin Wah was nowhar. 

J9r. ,,You shall all have satisfaction — at another 
time. So, Joyful, you thought dentistry was easy 
work ? 

Joyful. And found myself mistaken. But I've 
learned one thing — that both in dentistry and wooing 
there's a deal of gas used. 

Dr. Have you.? Well, there's one thing more you 
can learn. 

Joyful. "What is that? 

Dr. Never to meddle with edged tools. And still 
another — 

Joyful. Well, let's have it all. 

Dr. Never seek assistance in a love a£fair; but take 
my motto — Paddle your own canoe. 





Situations. 




K. BoD, 


c. Crcestjs. 


Ka.te, l. 


Tin, 




Dr., 


Socks, 




MiLLY, 


Lakry. 




Joyful. 



--'£ji ,(izLnzz ^ szj 



. rBooki tlut nr Teachen ought to have on had to SFICZ UF Tlth BSV asft 
thdSr" — St. Louis JcJurnal os Education. 



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SPEITCEH'S UNIVERSAL STAGE, 



. I>iainoncl cut l>iamond. An In- ' 

tcrlude in One Act. By \Y. H. Mur- ! 
ray. 10 Male, 1 Female character, i 
. 1,00k after Bro^vn. A Farce in 
One Act. By George A. Stuart, 1 
M. D. (i JIale, 1 Female character. < 

. Monscigneur. A Drama in Three 

Acts. By Tliomas Archer. 15 Male, 

3 Female characters. 
. A very pleasant Evening. A 

Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. j 

3 JIale characters. 
. BrotUer Ben. A Farce in One i 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 

Female cliaracters. 
. Only a Clod. A Comic Drama in 

One Act. liy J. P. Simpson. 4 Male, 

1 Female character. 
;. Gaspartlo the Gondolier. A 

Drama in Three Acts. By George 
Almar. 10 Male, :i Female charac- 
ters. ! 
•i ) 43. Siinsliine tliroiigU the Clouds. 
A Drama in ()ne Act. By Slingshy 
Lawrence. 3 JIale, 3 Female char- 
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:. Bon't Judge by Appearances. 
A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Mor- 
to\i. 3 Blale, 2 Female characters. 

i. IVursey ChickAveed. A Farce in 
One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

). Mary Moo; or, Which shall I 
Marry.' A Farce in One Act. By 
\y. K. Sutcr. 2 Male, 1 Female 
character.- 

r. XCast I>ynne. A Drarria in Five 
Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters. 

i. The Hidden Hand. A Drama in 
Five Acts. By Kobert Jones, hi 
Male, 7 Female cliaracters. 

J. Silverstone's^Vager. ACommedi- 
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4 Male, 3 Female characters. 

0. Dora. A Pastoral Drama in Three 
Acts. By Charles Keade. 5 Male, 

2 Female cliaracters. 

1. Blanks and Prizes. A Farce in 
One Act. By Dexter Smith. 5 
Male. 2 Female characters. 

2. Old <i;ooseberry. A Farce in One 
Act. By T. .}. Williams. 4 Male, 
2 Female characters. 



TVho's IVho. A Farce in One Act. 
By T. J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Fe- 
male characters. 

Bouquet. A Farce in One Act. 2 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

The TVife's Secret. A Play in 
Five Acts. By George W. Lovell. 
10 Male, 2 Female characters. 

The Babes iA the 'Wood. A 

Comedy in Three Acts. By Tom 
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Putkins : Heir to Castles in the 
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By W. K. Emerson. 2 Male, 2 Fe- 
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An rfgly Customer. A Farce in 
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3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

Blue and Cherry. A Comedy in 
One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female charac- 
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A Doubtful Victory. A Comedy 
in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female char- 
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The Scarlet letter. A Drama n 
Tlirce Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female car- 
acters. 

Which will have Him ? A Vau- 
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Madam is Abed. A Vaudeville in 
One Act. 2 Male, 2 Female cliarac- 
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The Anonymous Kiss. A Vaude- 
ville. 2 Male, 2 Female characters. 

The Cleft Stick. A Comedy in 
Three Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female char- 
acters. 

A Soldier, a Sailor, a Tinker, 
and a Tailor. A Farce in One 
Act. 4 51 ale, 2 Female characters. 
. Give a Dog a Bad JVame. A 
Farce. 2 Male, :' Female Characters. 
, Damon and Pythias. A Farce. 
'i Jlale, 4 Female characters. 

A Husband to Order. A Serio- 
comic Drama in Two Acts. 5 Male, 
, 3 Female characters. 

Payable on Demand. A Domes- 
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Female cliaractor. 



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LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



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' CEORCE M. BAKER, 



Author of '•'■Amateur Dramas^" " The Mimic Stage," " The Social Stage" " The Drawing-Room 
Stage," " Bandy Dramas" " The Exhibition Drama" '■'A Baker's Dozen," <fcc. 

Titles in this Type are JVew Plays. 
Titles in this Type are Temperance Plays. 



DRAMAS. 

In Three Acts. ( 

The Flower of the JTamily, 5 

male, ^ female char 

Enlisted for the War. 7 male, 3 fe- 
male characters 

My Brother's Keeper. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char 

The Utile Srown tTug, 5 male, 3 

female char 

In T1U0 Acts. 

Above the Clouds. 7 male, 3 female 
characters 

One Iliiudred Tears Ago. 7 male, 
,\ female char 

Among the Breakers. 6 male, 4 female 
char 

Bread on the Waters. 5 male, 3 female 
char 

Down by the Sea. 6 male, 3 female 
char 

Once on a Time. 4 male, 2 female char. 

The Last Loaf. 5 male, 3 female char. 
In One Act. 

Stand by the Flag. 5 male char. . . 

The Tempter. 3 male, i female char. 

COMEDIES AND FARCES. 

A Mysterious disappearance. 4 

male, 3 female char 

Paddle Your O^vn Canoe. 7 male, 

3 female char 

A JDrop too Much. 4 male, 2 female 

characters. 

A JAttle More Cider. 3 male, 3 fe- 
male char 

A Thorn Among the Roses. 2 male, 6 
female char 

Never Say Die. 3 male, 3 female char. 

Seeing the Elephant. 6 male, 3 female 
char 

The Boston Dip. 4 male, 3 female char. 

Thk Di;cHESS OF Dublin. 6 male, 4 fe- 
male char 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshments. 

4 male, 3 fem.ale char 

IF'e're all Teetotalers. 4 male, 2 fe- 
male char 

Male Characters Only. 

A Close Sh.\ve. 6 char 

A Public Benefactor. 6 char 

A Sea of Troubles. 8 char 

A Tender Attachment. 7 char. . . . 

Coals of Fire. 6 ch.ir 

Freedom of the Press. 8 char. . . . 



COMEDIES, &c., continued. 

Shall Our mothers Vote ? 11 char. 
Gentlemen of the Jury. 12 char. . . 
Humors of the Strike. 8 char. . . 
My Uncle the Captain. 6 char. . . 
New Brooms Sweep Clean. 6 char. . 

The Great Elixir. 9 char 

The Hypochondriac. 5 char 

The Man ivith the Detnijohn. 4 

char 

The Runaways. 4 char 

The Thief of Time. 6 char 15 

Wanted, a Male Cook. 4 char. ... 15 

Female Characters Only. 

A Love of a Bonnet. 5 char. ... 15 

A Precious Pickle. 6 char 15 

No CiRE no Pay. 7 char. .'.... 15 

The Champion of Her Sex. 8 char. . 15 

The Greatest Plague in Life. 8 cha. 15 

The Grecian Bend. 7 char 15 

The Red Chignon. 6 char 15 

Using the Weed. 7 char 15 

ALLEGORIES. 

Arranged for Ulusic and Tableaux. 

Lightheart's Pilgrimage. 8 female 
char IS 

The Revolt of the Bees, g female 
char 15 

The Sculptor's Triumph, i male, 4 fe- 
male char 15 

The Tourn.\ment of Idvlcourt. 10 
female char 15 

The War of the Roses. S female char. 15 

MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC. 



male, 



female 



An Original Idea. 

char, 15 

Bonbons ; or, the Paint King. 6 male, 
I female char 25 

Capuletta ; or, Romeo and Juliet 
Restored. 3 male, i female char. . 15 

Santa Claus' Frolics 15 

Snow-bound ; or, Alonzo the Brave 
and the Fair Imogene. 3 male, i 
female char 25 

The Merry Christmas of the Old 
Woman who lived in a Shoe. . . 15 

The Pedler of Very Nice. 7 male 
char '5 

The Seven Ages. A Tableau Entertain- 
ment. Numerous male and female char. 15 

Too Late for the Train. 2 male char. 15 

The Visions of Freedom, ii female 
char IS 



CEO. M. BAKER &. CO., 41-45 Franklin St., Boston. 



Baker's Humorous Dialogues. 
Baker's Humorous Dialogues. 



Male characters only. 25 cents. 
Female characters only. 25 ceuti. 



